The Test Poem by NAYYAR SHABBIR AHMAD

THE TEST

a.

I thought I knew my husband
We’d been married for over ten years
Our tastes were very similar
That’s what had originally drawn us together


We shared in everything
Everything
If he enjoyed a certain food I genuinely loved it too
He had this passion for travel
I shared in that enthusiasm
Movies, sports, books et. al.
Our passion for them was mutual

So on our tenth wedding anniversary
Very unsuspectingly
I looked forward to a blissful lifetime together
Similar in every respect to the preceding ten years

But fate intervened soon after
When our four year old daughter died of pneumonia

It was only then that our intense love for each other
underwent a severe test
Would we pass
Or, would we fail....?
Only time would tell

b.

Initially, we clung to each other in disbelief
Then, overnight - he turned away from me
And, I from him

He wanted peace and quiet
To grieve alone
Whereas I needed to be with company
-mainly friends
Or constantly doing something

We grew apart
And, neither of us could see
how we could ever recover what we believed we had

He irritated me
He was always morose
Likewise, I infuriated him
I was too pre-occupied with life

It got to such a stage
That we could do little else than enrage each other

Divorce began to look like
The saviour, we both needed
In order to get on with the rest of our lives

However, constant talk of divorce saddened me
I suddenly realised that the husband
who was supposed to go through life with me
would soon be out of the picture, forever

That really made me sit up and think
I had to change my priorities
I would always grieve for my daughter-sure
But, my beloved husband mattered
He mattered a hell of a lot

I had already realized - now accepted
That we couldn’t share absolutely everything together
He needed his pace and time to recover. I needed mine.

Our attitude towards our loss
had not only been divergent
it had been fraught with disquiet and disruption

I wanted an immediate end to this state of affairs
Imagine how our suffering would double if we lost each other, as well?

That was the catalyst.
No way, I promised myself. We’ll work it out - somehow.
But, we’ll stick together.

I can’t
I won’t loose him

When I told him that
He was surprised
that it had taken me so long to realise
something he had concluded a long while back

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

So, lucky for us
We managed to fight our way back to
some semblance of happiness