Toy Poem by Toynia Edmond

This name haunts me everytime I say it,
for it is a constant reminder of what people percieve
me to be or better yet
who I am... a Toy.

Played with until they get bored, then thrown to side
for something that seems better.

Punishing myself emotionally because of the fact that
I let this name confine me
or better yet define ME.

Twisting and turning in this bed that I've made. Constantly wishing
I could just flip the mattres over and start over.

As if my life were a blank canvas.

But I have to acceptthe fact that on my canvas there is
no pretty pastels or scenic views but there is dirt, blood, and tears.

Often hating to even introduce myself, for the face they make
cuts like a knife when I say it.

While I sit there faking a smile and trying to ignore the sounds
of sweet nothings that soon turned to sorrow.

Continuesly hearing their names whispered in my head:
Jamaal
Toddrick
Theo
Charles

Hoping they can not see this corrupting my mind.

Always wondering when I'll be able to fall asleep.

For everyone has to do it.

Everyone has to look at what they've done and lye in it.

But I'm not going to accept my dirty canvas, I'm going to
make the most beautiful picture ever seen.

Even if it is made of dirt, blood, and tears.