Tri-Polar Poem by Necessary No Name

that's what i am


this scared
ugly faced
monster
is me
not letting me be free

because today
they will not take me down

or will they?

and whoop there and their it is
tri-polar


therapy needs me
but needs therapy for 3
heart body and soul

and damn i can't get around the word
victim
it hinders my writes


damn me end this endless fight

must visit Royal piece
it bleeds love
of something more horrific than this

and thats when i become
i can rise above

if religion and beliefs
weren't part of this pain
my entire faith
might have drove
right past
un-tested

but night after night turned day into the next week
burying my face in my pillow
chanting like screams
my baby boys name
over
and
over

the pain
was
so
deep
with every
deep scream
it sounded
worse
heavy
like a demon
screaming out of me

this went on and on for 5 months
it was tears-God-fear-promise-hope-blending rage

the day it finally expelled
i felt my son
walking not with me-but the Lord
AllA
whoever, whatever you call to at times

somehow the pain
was going away
but how
who was
taking
it
if
it
was
still
being
delivered

i really couldn't say
but i thank someone
above
someone
like
ALLA

and because i can't spell -ALLA-LOO-YA
and the dictionary is far from mind and reach
that means it must be
time to get up

i think i released a little more
too much more
it's like
an addiction

this gliding i call it
sketches
of random
lots of not whatevers

they are ugly
no form
but again
in
them
i
find
sin-SARA-ity

odd as that reads
having understood the word
after watching
all people
commit these
horrible
horrible
sins

i remained just what i could
not perfect
misunderstood
not able
not clear
scared

it was all sincere-

their sins shot straight at my heart
sinsAra

and now as i do
disect words
and meaning
much more
it finds me in that creative place
where deep thinking
rocks
the black and white mind
and then i remember

oh ya-i have to handle this thing about color!