Trying To Laugh, Failing To Breathe. Poem by Joe Pohner

I try so hard to smile, oh why does it seem, possible?
All the while, tears could endlessly rain out.
Life is not meant to live this way.
As the incorrigible, human drain.
Yes - I am clogged up with fish hooks & branches.
It seems to be the only way, my way to exist.
It's like my clock doesn't start till I'm pissed.
All because, in your mind, I want to be missed.

And it's the reason I question why do I exist?
Clogged and stuck, with fish hooks, and bad luck.
Will I ever get the fruit? Will I ever taste its juice?
Can not believe that you would just give it away.
To some idiotic, brain dead, washed up has been.
That was everything that I cherished, all loving or nothing.
You gave away the very thing I've been coveting.
And the act did not break the spell, in case you couldn't tell,
You left me stranded in a cell, with romantic openings to my own personal hell.

That was back when life was real.
Back when I couldn't hold in my smile.
My laughter flooded the shore, and one thing is for sure.
I don't care anymore.
It's like suffocating to the very last moment.
Drowned my lungs with love.
I put my soul out, burned into the Sun.
Oh what have I done?

I can't go back.
Things will not change.
No matter how much it still remains.

Lingering, Vicariously, Vehemently, images soar.
My mind's eye can not show it anymore.
Just take the dagger and stab in the back hard.
Its really the only way to make sense of everything.
But why make sense, of it, if I'm left with nothing?
Does it make sense to keep undergoing this?