Trying To Recover From Drugs And Fight These Demons Poem by amanda day

I need some,
I need some of it
you scream at me,
I scream back losing my voice,
screaming to leave me alone,
curling up in my bed I
count my heart beats,
slowly,
praying to God he hears me,
laying alone in my bed I can't help but
have that impulse,
that crave,
that need to feel better,
so tired and drained,
I take a razor and it kisses my skin,
washing off my wrist I look into my dead eyes,
is this really me,
I look into her black dead eyes and pale skin,
this can't be me,
I hate her,
she smiles and looks at me,
you are me,
laughing I turn away and go to my room,
trying to fight the urge I just can't,
the new me looks around to sell my body for some
blow or weed,
it has to be better than this...it just has to
be better than this,
as the lights go out and I pray to be safe and
sound from my monsters,
I try to see the light,
try to drown my demons but it's no use,
they know how to swim