Twas The Nerd Before Christmas Poem by Ryan Brodesser

Ryan Brodesser


Twas the night before christmas

and all through the store

not a single D20 was stirring

And still was the door


The supplies were all stocked and leveled with care

In hope that Gary Gygax

Would soon be there


The DMS were gone, and tables lay still

the clumps of miniatures lay in bags

ready to cause more thrill

and all the new items had been clipped with new tags


And the manager in his clean coat

just gone out for the night

Going to see his family

Turned off the light


When all of a sudden came such a sound

and such a noise never heard from any nerd

But as people squinted to see

It was plain to see it wasn't a plane man or bird


Away to the window I quickly raced

Swift as an elf

Quicker then Shadowfax in haste

Past the window shelf


The moon shined on street

As I looked upon the night sky

The sight gave my eyes and amazing treat

And I gazed hoping my eyes did not lie


In an awful laugh, from too many revels

What should appear?

But a huge obsidian chariot

Driven by eight tiny Devils


In the back, a massive helmed rider

rode a lost king

I knew in an instant

That he must be looking for the final ring


Faster than an X-wing fighter

His drivers came

And the figure screeched

and hissed

and whispered each

by their name


Now Caiman

Now Daiman

now fire and flame!

rise and take the world

by fire and pain!

on minions, on fast as you can

go, by fire and woe

I can be slain by no man!


To the top he went, and landed with a thump

my heart stopped beating,

the devils landed in a messy clump

and slowly the rider rose, unchained from his seating


The great figure looked ever searching

turning his horned head

the sleigh stopped it's lurching

Like the walking dead



What it was thinking, nobody knows

but it stopped for a moment

and reached under it's clothes


It's demonic steeds hissed with fright

and quivered with fear

As the dark creature reached into the night

As if searching for something near


Then it stopped, and stared into glass

And I feared for my life

I had been discovered at last

I watched in terror, as he pulled out his knife




And then quick as a flash, as if cast with haste

It jumped out into its sleigh

And with a crack and a cry, away he raced

No doubt to find his prey


And before he roared,

Away into the night

He waved his gleaming sword

Then disappeared from sight.