Unsure Poem by AlissaMarie Unknown

Feeling dismay about whether or not to end my misery I shall
Ponder the question of whom I have become unfortunately.

As thin as paper, shadows emerge only with the proper amount
Of light I appear only as a cascade of distain and resentment.

Gazing upon myself in the mirror I can’t bring myself to recognize
The figure that stands before me, yet I’m able to recognize what lies
Behind.

My former self shining bright in a white long dress a clear glimmer
In mine eye of the day I combined myself with another.

Cursing the thought of all chaos that has come due the mirror shatters
Leaving me with a thousand pieces to long myself to glue.

Yet still they remain, for it suits the lifestyle in which casted
Over my weary head.

Why pick up what has been left in reminder
To what has been done?

To clean up what still lies in the midst would only have me
Abandon my rights and dreams of once again feeling complete.

So here I stand sop broken and dull, I say now
What I’ve hidden for so long.

I am a crazed soul sitting in a field of long
Itchy straw with no escape but to sit and wait.

I am a foolish child blinded by the wronged in which
Thought was love, only to come to the conclusion
It is an uncertain pity or selfish need.

Depending on the small thread I call my sanity
Lies in which an offspring has given me.

As days go by I feel as if the world in which
I once lived has turned its back on me.

An out casted presence left in an uncontrollable
Void tears no longer fill my eyes just anger and pure
Hatred for you my muse.

I’ve destroyed all of what in which was my reality so curse
The day in which I thought was a re-united and cast it a
Foul spew an attempt of forgiveness in which you never
Considered from the begging of time.

Fires burn at my membranes for the conclusion of your endearment
As you still have given me the pain in which you no longer wanted
To see.

I crave to exile our existence for its
The only way to ever get rid of you.

My oath is to stick by has been incinerated by your
Ill-tempered actions, and your heartless sayings in which
Put me in a vast curse never to be healed dammed for the
Eternity I was willing to spend with thee.

So back to the question at hand, who have I become?
As thought crosses my mind and that is I’ve become you.

A cold heartless non existent soul only to those who have
Wronged you. I spit upon the ground you walk for you have
Done nothing but wrong me since the day you tainted
Yourself with another’s false accusations to pull you from me.

Taint yourself all you want, ‘cause in the end you’ll
Be the one who regrets and I’ll be left to shine once again with someone
Who makes me feel right.


(2005)
(dedicated to S.E.)