Use Me Poem by Faet Luate

Whispers all around me,
Stares and awkward glances.
As I walk through the once familiar halls of life,
Memories flash before me,
Whispers of the past surround me.
I look around and see once familiar faces of friends.
They are just ghosts now. They shake their heads and sadly glide through me.
I shiver.
It was once a welcoming, comforting place,
I always ran here when I was in pain.
Now I am shunned.
What have I done? Have I really changed that much?
I start walking faster and I break out into a run, with tears streaming down my face.
I can barely see through them.
I finally come to a new, dark room that I do not recognize.
What is in here?
I cautiously walk forward and touch the handle.
So many thoughts rushing through my head. My heart beats quickens
I push my hand down and enter.
There in the middle of the room is a pedestal, with a light shining on it.
Walk over and see a knife and I note on it. The note reads
‘Use me.’
I smile and follow directions.
Scars don’t heal
Everyday gets harder, everyday gets longer,
My cuts heal. True. Nevertheless, my life does not.
Soon my cuts will fade, as if nothing happened.
But I know they are still there.
I heal fast, but they all slowly show back up.
Another day, another problem, another cut.
That is how it works, right?
My wrists will not stay clean for very long.
The cuts get bigger, deeper, and bloodier.
Some will never heal. I do not care.
Everybody looks for somebody to blame for his or her cuts. But I don’t.
I know the source of my pain.
I do not need to blame and I do not need to look.
I am careful, and I plan every scar.
I planned my death.
Do not worry.
It will be tomorrow.
Do you have a knife I can borrow?