Jessica Taylor Golden
Utilized - Poem by Jessica Taylor Golden
I won my matches today,
6-4 and 6-2,
I was really proud of myself,
And I was hoping you would be too.
I thought about that day,
When I came to your house,
And I shivered desire,
When you put your hands up my blouse.
I thought about how you wanted more,
And how I told you 'no',
I thought about how you told me you didn't care,
That we were moving so slow.
I thought about how we kissed,
And how you made me feel so loved,
I thought about how stupid I was,
And how so carelessly I was shoved.
Now I wonder if I'll see you,
And that handsomely brutal face of yours,
And I shake with anger,
At all of the hours,
The hours I spent dreaming about,
What we could be,
When I believed with all my heart,
And ignored all of the signs thrown at me.
Now I hope to death I won't see you,
Won't let you see the hurt in my eyes,
The painful tremors in my voice,
Caused by my desperate cries.
I walk day by day,
With a theatrical smile on my face,
Avoid any paths,
Find a hiding space.
When you catch me by surprise,
Your hands around my waist,
You act like you don't know,
What you did to me, How I chased.
I look you in the eyes,
You struggle to look right back,
As you look around for distractions,
Fury boiling inside of me, eager to attack,
You hug me and tell me 'it's okay',
I pretend to think you're right,
Not the explosion I wanted to create,
I wanted to kick and bite.
You're deceiving smile pulls me in,
And I find myself back yet again,
Exposure of vulnerability,
Hungry wolf versus helpless hen.
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