Walking The Halls Poem by Pauline Levesque

Walking the halls of insanity,
Frozen by fear and doubt,
Unable to break the cycle of abandonment, trust and abuse.

You came into my life and threw the door wide open, I accidentally left unlocked or did I?
Asking for her…
for the real me, the gentle woman, the poet, the lover
you didn’t like the warrior, the protector…to brash, to rude to insensitive
I tried leaving her out in the real world for you but it hurt too much.
I attacked you….don’t you see how hard this is for me?
You would not accept this, you would not budge.
Its not always about you you know?
Either make it work or you lose me!

Back and forth I go..in pain and fear, in panic..unable to light anywhere…to relax into you
I will loss you …as I don’t know how to be vulnerable and strong at the same time.
I know who I am and it’s not always a pretty picture,
I bang my head against the walls and my arms are tied inside a straight jacket…
Frustrated by my attempts….screaming at the frustration….
The eternal optimist keeps trying…always searching for the door to the way out. The key that opens the jacket….to you, to me…