What I Should Have Said Poem by Mahoghany M

I didn't want to stop dealing with you
But I know my worth
I am like a lung
Sold on the Black Market
People need their lungs
Or else they can't breathe

I feel like I can't breathe around you

I am like a sponge
Soaking up the happiness and energy that you emit to the world
Is just like music to my ears
Or a song on my lips all day

I like poking around around in your brain
Because it's so interesting to see what you think
I appreciate your thoughts
Like a lot

You make me feel like a declawed cat
Bare and exposed
Yet you always find a way to read
Between my lines

I like the way you make me feel
Because it's natural
It's weird
But you show me it's okay to be exposed

So I didn't want to stop talking to you
i wanted to pocket the sapphire that
made its way into my life
Because I know its worth

And I was prepared to put it
On the throne of which I thought it belonged

But then I became
"A temporary prioritization"
"An emotional investment"

I began to feel like a landlord
And the only reason you spoke to me
Was because you had to pay rent

I became annoyed with your presence
Because I expected a lot more from you

You are so smart
And smart people make good choices

Which is why I never understood
Why everything is so complicated for you

And I didn't want to tell you
Because I thought you wouldn't undeerstand

So I let my feelings fester
And it punished me with
Sleepless nights

And I picked up my coffee cup
And drank
Wishing I had something stronger
Than caffeine

And I stayed up for hours
Cuddling with my roomate
To heal my hurt
And my RA caught me

She thought I was having sex with her
I'm not allowed to sleep naked anymore
In my room

The universe is upset because
I care for you
Double King
Has come for my crown
As if I no longer deserve it

But for some reason I never
Learn my lesson

I always fall for the ones
Who are unable
To understand
My emotions

I thought you were different
I bit into you thinking
You were fried chicken

And instead got a mouthful
Of tofu

And it makes me hella
Fired up

Because I keep putting myself
In these situations
Where
I become my mother

Who cares when she knows she shouldn't

So I broke myself off from you
Because I am one human

And I am responsible for my self

This is what I should have said
But I couldn't
The words wouldn't roll from my lips

And my frustration became strong
And I apologize for not saying it sooner

Because we both could have been doing
Something else
Feeding our spirits elsewhere

But your spirit made me stop

And smell the essence of marijuana
That is your mind

I wanted to take a light
Roll you up
And let you
Work your magic
In my
World of Science