What If Poem by Stacy Smith

And I'm again sitting here
with all these people around
and I don't know
how I finally ended up in this pink gown
How long it will take
to finally know who I am
how long it will last
'cause I don't want to be here now
I'm just thinking
thinking about me
I don't want to sound narcissistic
but this gown has me sick
Do I really want to be this
to be this one
for the rest of my life?
My family is so excited
because my dream came true
but I didn't realize
that I'm not happy enough
So tell me,
what I'm supposed to do
do I really have to be here
even if I don't want to?
I have now what I've always dreamt about
but I still don't know
'cause thinking about it
do I want to be what I've become?
And I'm so scared
what if I don't achieve anything more?
what if I'm meant to be
just sitting at this show?
What if I just have to agree politely
and shut my mouth every time I have something to say
what if I don't ever be brave
and say for once everything that's on my mind
What if I don't know who I am anymore
what if I don't say what I want in this song
Tell me what I'm supposed to do
'cause I feel alone
I feel locked up
in this four walls in my mind
Does someone realize
that I'm not comfortable
here, tonight
what if I'll never be able
to raise my voice ever?
So what if this is what I'm meant to be
even if I don't feel like it
what if someday I die
without never have felt alive?