What Is? Poem by Safiyyah Manjra

I have boys messaging me saying they love me.
I have boys delivering sushi at my place at midnight willingly.
I have boys who look over me when I'm alone.

It's not that I am not loved.
I am loved so much to the extent I break hearts of love,
Gifted from above.

Do you see the damage I have done?
I am the only wrong one.

The reason being,
None of them are you which is condescending.

Sometimes I wish I would be able to love those who love me.
Maybe then I would gain half of what I am willing to give you freely.

Sometimes I feel so connected to someone I walk away.
I am afraid I won't stay.
I might just hurt them someday.
I don't ever want to hurt anyone in anyway.

One day I will risk and fall in love.
I will smile,
Give him all that I've been saving for quite a while.
My smiles, my laughter,
My first kiss- a night which I like to call my last forever.

If that him isn't you,
I hope he would appreciate it all as you would.
As I would be giving him all that I never could,
Given you.
I am sorry in advance if that's what I do.