When God Knocking My Head Poem by minaslune serene

in the past I always complain about my life
and my sunshine sometimes anger
coz I feel that I hate myself and always think
that it will be better for me to live shorter
and I ask and pray to God every time
coz seems everything so nice and I don't like it.

When I feel happy to reach my dreams
I bargain to God that I will concern about my life
and not complain so much and much more
cares about other people instead of thinking
how to live shorter in this life

When the problems comes to me
again I complain about my life
why everyone seems think I always happy and never sad
and they think that I could hold the problems more than them

I ask and pray to God that I could live shorter
and leave all kind things in this world

when the real problems comes to me from God by give me this disease
I am surprised and reviewed again, is God really accept and release my prayer by given this disease?
or this is the other path of trial that I have to get through while I live in this world?
then I stop complained and facing with confuse
although I have confidence in mind

which I need to choose?
is the option are Just give up and let disease vanish me
or other options that I must struggling and fight
that I still could live for given huge Love to people
which circling around me
which concern and always love no matter who I am
and accept me as I am
coz I believe that I could still survive?