When I'm Dead Poem by Nelly Raye

I don't want to heal
I don't want my tears to dry
I want to suffer
to feel the pain and all
I wanna lay in my bed
until it swallows me whole

Don't feel bad for me
It's the way it's always been
Me, myself, and I against the world
My demons and me on the same team

I'd love to say I don't need anybody
But that would be a lie
I'm not a loner, never was
I need people by my side

Think it's a weakness? Maybe.
Sounds like I'm doomed? Might be.
Do I sound weak? Most likely.
But I didn't fall — and I hope not, not by a long shot.

Why did I believe, hope in vain?
Hoped this time I'd break the chain.
Is luck a stranger I can't find?
Everything I start falls behind—
Like I keep hitting the wrong note every time.

Go on, tell me what everyone says,
"You'll be okay, pain fades away."
But years go by, it's still the same,
I doubt it'll ever change its name.

Hope you find my words when I'm gone,
Watching you from up above, moving on.