When It's Gone Poem by Nick Downer

lying awake
praying for dreams to take me away
but knowing it doesnt matter
because when their hold releases me
and i wake
i have to remember again each time
that you aren't coming home
it's the worst kind of pain
to be waiting for something you know
isn't coming back
and to hear them say 'hun' and 'baby'
and know I can't speak those
to you again
rips apart my insides like a vortex
and to hear the noises of lovemaking
coming from behind closed doors
and knowing i will never lie in bed
with you again
makes my tears fall faster than rain
i can't do this.
how do we endure such horrific pain?
i rush to the toilet
and memories and longing and
pain in its worst form
collide as they hit porcelain.