When My Heart Hesitates Poem by Sharon Namwalizi

My inability to love romantically…
I'm finally standing before you—
a moment we both anticipated.

I feared we reconnected
because it felt familiar
rather than a spark.

Because now I'm standing before you,
and all I feel is fear.
Is it the fear of being chosen?
Maybe it feels too much,
too close, too vulnerable.

All I feel is my bones shaking,
my knees growing weaker each second.
And all these questions keep rising—
"Are you actually the one? "
"Shouldn't I be feeling something right now? "

I keep searching for trumpets,
for the dramatic sign that tells me,
"This is it."
But all I find is familiarity.

Love… I've felt it in many forms,
but romantic love? I'm not sure I've tasted it yet.
Maybe that's why my words tremble—
maybe I'm saying all this
because the idea of truly loving someone
still scares me.

It sounds risky,
but I want to.
I just need time—
time to build trust,
time to breathe,
time to learn what love feels like
in this part of my heart.

But time…
time doesn't wait.

So I am releasing you.
Love, you have so much of it to give.
I admire that.

Maybe one day I will join,
and experience love fearlessly.
But for now,
I continue to search for greater things—
the love of my Father.

~sharonnamzi
00: 19 — 23/10/25