Why And Summer Ending? Poem by Elizabeth Shield

When summer ends
at first i feel
like i have been
left alone and
all my friends could
care less about
me, because they
have had their own
adventures, and
I dont really see
quite where we
fit in anymore

They all laugh
about jokes im
not part of and
i feel as if I
had moved away
again, and again,
because I'm a
selfish person, and
I dont want to
share these precious
friends, with anyone
else, I'm mad too
at myself, for
believing, that this
could ever work,
selfish people dont
get what they want,
but what they
deserve, and I think,
sometimes that if
I got what I deserved
that it would be
about time, since
I always manage to
slither out of
punishment anyway

Its a bad habit
and i know it,
most times, I would
play innocent, and
I wish I were still
innocent, but I,
like you, have been
poisoned to a certain
degree, and even
though I try to stop
it, the poison keeps
on coming, a whole
world full of poison,
coming at me, and
I am ashamed to
say that I dont think
I have enough faith
or endurance, or
even hope, to stop it.

That still selfish, I
know, it seems like
one of those movies,
the kind that make you
feel good when you
watch them, and there
is always a lesson to
be learned, and in
this case the lesson
would be something
like 'Share the burden,
Good friends are there
for you! ', but how do
you know? And who
do you choose to
share your burden with?

Dear God, I dont
ever thank you, so
when bad times come,
I feel bad about asking
you to help, and I
know I really dont
deserve it, but sometimes
I find it hard to believe
that you are willing
to help anyone, no
matter how many times
they have forgotton
you or denied you
or hidden you or
lost you, I could
go on, but even so
I dont know how
to ask, and then
believe whole-heartely
that it will come true,
I know how not to worry,
but not really how to
hold faith.

So, now summer is
ending, and I want to
cry because I am
not part of the memories
of my friends, selfishness
again, and I wonder
where it comes from,
the selfishness, why
am I so selfish, why
am I so jealous? If
the reason why is
that I care to much,
then why do I care?
And why dont they
care back, and
why cant I share the
burden, when there
are people all around
who I could share it with?
WHY?