Why Mansplaining Is A Good Thing By Big Boy Productions Poem by Anny Miner

mansplaining
what are we talking about
when we're talking about mansplaining
well we're talking about a couple of
things we're talking about the male
brain which is porous it's like a sponge
it's very good at absorbing information
and then we're talking about a female
brain which is coated in estrogen it's
like if you took a sponge and you
laminated it so it's very hard for
anything to get in there
and that's why we have men who know
things and then we have women who don't
know things and our problem becomes how
do we get women to know things
mansplaining
now there's three stages to
an effective mansplination

one interrupt her
two correct her
three make her think good

one starting with interrupting her
your greatest tool as a man is your
voice we see on this chart that men have
the most authoritative most resonant
voice and as we get more shrill we move
through howler monkeys we have bats owls
and then the shrillest animals that
scientists know about which are women
women are the shrillest of all and their
voice is in fact hurt the ear to listen
to and are so high pitch they can
actually break glass

next up you want to
correct her all right you're a man so
you can lift a big heavy box you can eat
a bunch of hamburgers really really fast
she's a woman she's the female of the
species and any female of any species
knows less than the male
take the praying mantis the female praying mantis
will actually eat the male praying
mantis after intercourse and she do this
because she dumb she think he food
throughout history there have been a lot
of men who know more than women about
various subjects there's Thomas Edison
who knows more than women about light
bulbs there's of course my dad who knows
more than my mom about cars and various
meats and then a classic example there's
Greg from Dharma and Greg and he knows
more than Dharma about just about
Anything (burp)excuse me

lastly you want to make her
think good so there's any number of
subjects that you can mansplain to a
woman you can explain to her lost and
your theories about what was happening
on that island it was all a hobo's dream there's jazz and where
you think that came from of course Jazz = from Africa?
there's a consent why consent is iffy yes no (check)maybe
theres wood how to carry it what to do
with it stack neatly and lastly Hillary Clinton and
why she lost the electoral college should have smiled more

Andnow I want to end on a personal note my
grandpa was a lighthouse attendant it
meant that he operated this lonely old
lighthouse all by himself by the sea for
years and years when I visited I'd ask
him grandpa why do you do this we never
get to see you was out in the middle of
nowhere he'd say well I don't have a
choice if no one's in this lighthouse
the ships don't see the land and they
crash into the shore

that's what mansplaining is about we
don't have a choice if we as men don't
mansplain things to women the women
don't know things good their boats and
it's up to us to safely guide them to the doc
incidentally boats another thing that
women just don't get women don't get boats
and how they work sails + wood = boats you got to mansplain
boats to women and girls they don't know
how they float all right thanks guys
thanks so much if you have any questions
just give me up later all right thanks
so much thank you thank you