Wonderful Poem by Rouren Torres

It's wonderful;
When you have a conversation with someone and they just nod and that is all you need because their enthusiasm and understanding is trying to vibrate out of their bodies.

It's wonderful;
When you ramble for hours without any point in sight and yet they look at you like every word is leading to some grand revelation.

It's wonderful;
When you pause for breath in the middle of a long winded rant, and they smile as if they had already proofread your thoughts on whatever subject you had grasped onto somewhere down the slinky.

And then it hurts.

Because you realize you are looking at them in anticipation and none of that has happened. None of that will happen.

It hurts.
Because you know two words in you had already lost them, and there is no rope that could pull them from the sea of confusion you have inevitably drowned them in.

It hurts.
Because they want to understand with a desperation that claws at you for explanations you can't seem to give, or ever had.

It hurts.
Because you stare at eyes reflecting your own that seem to scream: ' I'm sorry I tried to understand and I failed you, but you didn't bring a dictionary or a translator so in truth you failed me first.'

It hurts.
Because it wasn't about understanding to begin with, it was about acceptance. Acceptance you won't get even after gift wrapping your words/thoughts/feelings, after crumbling them into the tiniest pieces possible and shoving them into their chest screaming: ' here, take them! '

It hurts.
Because years of talking can be summarized to me crying out like a child:
'Hold me, I'm scared.'
'Hug me, I'm lonely.'
'Take my hand, I'm lost.'
'Love me, I'm breaking.'

It hurts.
Because I have never spoken those words, and you can't seem to accept my silence for what it is;
My surrender.