Sunday, May 29, 2005

You Dance When I Dance Comments

Rating: 5.0

You are the breath of my life.
You walk where I walk
Kicking stones from my path
So I shall not fall or stumble
...
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Antoinette Kopperfield
COMMENTS
Raynette Eitel 29 May 2005

The ideas in this poem are very good but you need to 'tighten' it a bit. I love the line 'you walk where I walk, ' and of course 'you dance when I dance.' Those are beautiful images but be careful. Love poems can be trite. Look for those lines which have been used again and again. Reach deep within yourself and find new ways to say them. I would love to see this poem when you rework it, for I think you are indeed a poet. Raynette

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