You Don'T Know What Love Is (Unedited)
I always thought that I knew what love was. It was a place of acceptance and a whole place of a persons being. Well, let’s just say I grew up and grew out it. I was such a child.
I finally know what love is. It’s when you are attached to someone like it they had their own gravitational pull. Of course it’s not a choice! It was never even an option. You leave yourself open to anything. The more you leave yourself open, it’s a chance for those little things to seep in take your deepest, darkest secrets from you. You are completely vulnerable and despite all your best efforts, you can’t get away. Rather than living a life of your own, more often than not, the path taken is just lingering to the pathetic, insignificant things that really don’t matter.
It’s where you can completely accept someone’s faults and mistakes while having to completely alter who and what you were before this person intruded your thoughts and inevitably, tore down what little will you had.
I might seem harsh but it’s all fact; I’ve seen many times before. I’ve lost what was left of my self esteem, my will, and the effort for “satisfying” life. I’ve completely given up on it.
Acceptance is the key. I may be living in denial, but it avoids so much conflict. Accept it. Despite your best efforts, you’ll always be second rate, second best to nothing. Nothing that you ever do will ever be “good enough.
Maybe that’s also why relationships end, just putting up with so much bull shit, that you just break. Well, not break, like go crazy or whatever, but just get tired of it and look for something different. Anthony, you said it best: “Stagnant leads to contempt”. I’ve experienced dormice in relationships, but it’s never been on my behalf. But that’s where acceptance comes into play.
Maybe I’m not a strong enough person to make decisions without being easily swayed by the breathe of the “significant other”. Someday, I will learn. But it seems that everyone is the same, just waiting to get a kick out of tearing you down.
Sadism is just a human instinct. Making yourself feel better my tearing other people down. The lower those are around you, the higher you’ll feel. It just makes sense in a pathetic kind of way. I don’t do it, but it would explain the behaviors of the parasites that live within you, and build a home inside your heart.
Just. Bear. With. Me. I. Will. Get. Over. It.
[I will look back at this and laugh: D]