SARAH WATERDOWN Poems

When the the first tear fall I know the storm is coming my body has feels so num and then I know the pain is coming. And then my world feels like its lost all control and at the moment I know the storm is here. And as the storm starts the the pain has hits as the tears
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I wish I was nobody so I did not hurt! I wish I was nobody so people would not judged me! ! ! I wish I was nobody so I would not have a mental illness
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My pain is real but no one around me understands I have problems I don't know how to fix. My pain is real I rather just not be in this world I wake up sad cause I saw another day.
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I don't belong I often wonder if I was a mistake and I was not ment to be born! ! ! I don't belong I fall more than I get up I smile to hide the pain but inside I really hurt.
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Why! Am I still here? This pain just won't go away. So why am I still here? I have a had full of pills thinking if I just take them this pain would stop but I'm still here. So why! Am I still here rush to the store to buy a Razer to cut hoping the pain would just drain out. Why! Am I still here? I look in the mirror and I just hate who I have became because I became nothing! Why! Am I still here? I'm trying to hold on and fight my mental illness but it's getting harder to control. Why! Am I still here? I'm trying to hold on to what I think is a life but everything but it just keeps spinning out of control! Why! Am I still here? I go to bed praying I won't wake up but I do but why I feel like I have no purpose in life but I do in a way but I feel like it's all slipping away! Why! Am I still here? I walk on a bridges hoping I get the courage to jump off it and hoping it ends the pain I I feel every day! Why! Am I still here? Things happen and they it's my fault! And I DON'T understand. At the end of each day I wonder if this will be the I get the courage to end it so I don't I to deal with the pain with in me! ! !
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