Trissy Levi

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A Letter To My Freddy

You went though so much in the 5 years you had cancer
and thru it all, you were so good to the kids and I. You were
always smiling, happy, loved life of, course there were days
when it was obvious that some days weren't so good, even
though you were in pain or not feeling well, you never complained.
Like the last days of your life, I was sitting there next to your
bed I was tired, not sleepy tired, exhausted, not thinking clear, I
was watching you, sleeping, you would open up your eyes and look
at me, making sure I was still there, so many thoughts and memories ran through my mind, but theres one thought I wish would go away. Something I had said to you a few days before, I dont know, maybe I was losing it, dont really know, you lay there so helpless, sometimes in pain and other times not really aware of anything that was going on. I said something I shouldn't have said, something very hurtful, even though I said I was sorry, it still lays heavily on my mind, its something I will carry with me forever I know you Fred, you knew I didnt mean it, I could see in your eyes that you forgave me, even though you couldn't say. But the thing is, I can't forgive myself.....
I love and miss you so much....

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