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Tiffany Rose Moczydlowski

Rookie - 1 Points (November 28,1996 / Springfield, MA)

Winds and Wings


Music notes slip through the atmosphere
The soothing sorrow filling
The chilly air right here
My chest fills with awe
Whilst I softly serenade
This melody stolen from the grave
A lonely rose in a glass
Still alive, sits proper
Ambitions amassing to none

''Oh poor graceful plant, ''
I whisper
''Thy's only destiny is to lament
In thy's limitations
Never knowing the joyous feelings
Life provides.''
Pity washes over me
As I gaze upon this
Ancient symbol of love and beauty

''Thou shalt be allowed
To live freely; 'Tis your right! ''
Suddenly a light flashes
Within my eyes, burning bright
A breeze surrounds the prisoner
Picking up power as the moments pass
Red darkens to black
Petal transform to feathers
All within the tiny cylinder
Containing uncanny weather

Activities cease
As quickly as they appeared
Leaving a creature in their place
''Oh thank you, oh thank you! ''
Cried the raven, with a tear
''Thou has saved me from
An existence entirely for show!
No longer shall I mourn
The dragging demise of wilting, being torn.
But now, do I wonder,
How shall I make this life my own? ''

My voice mixing with the moonlight
Creates an entrancing scene
''O beautiful bird, you dost not see
What is clearly your destiny?
Those secrets I ought not say
But heed these words,
Let them lead your way...
If you remember to fly
Where you wish,
Not only where you should.
If you follow your heart's desires,
Then be happy, you would.
Never let evil lead you astray.
Instead always follow your own path, your way.''

Intently absorbing my admonition
This ebony creature's gaze stays steady
Speaking clearly, but with hesitation
A whisper escapes her, ''I'm ready.''
Graceful wings unfurl, she perches no more
''I bid thee luck in life...''
The voice resonates throughout the dim chamber
As my beautiful daughter glides through the sky
A slow, bittersweet smile emerges
''I couldn't envision a better moment
To succumb to Fate.''

My physical form converts to ashen
Whilst my mind is aloft with passion
Hoping her travels dost not
Unravel that bird-of-night's values
A whisper of wind lightly approacheth
My long-time friend finally embraces me
My own soul finally free
As the ashes scatter as if they're leaves
Dancing in the breeze with perfect harmony

Submitted: Tuesday, December 06, 2011
Edited: Monday, June 04, 2012

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  • Rookie Sangnam Nam (11/26/2012 2:41:00 PM)

    My physical form converts to ashen
    Whilst my mind is aloft with passion


    even after death one can make deep impressions.....for our minds and spirits are God's (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 903 Points Buddy Bee Anthony (8/23/2012 11:23:00 AM)

    A dandelion is a nuisance flower to most homeowners with a lawn filled with insipid green grass. It's a beautiful flower, yet, it's shunned, banished to the mulch dump, pulled out at the root wherever it may bloom on someone's yard. Maybe stay on that topic of how you relate to being misunderstood, and being pulled at and rooted out of your own right to live, bloom and grow. To bloom into a flower and have the wind blow your spores to procreate new generations of beauty. Just a thought. I did a poem about dandelions when I was a teenager, and they published it on that premise. Personally, i'd like to see what you can do with that premise. It could reveal, effectively to the reader what you are going through, and how you feel, now in your teenage life. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 23 Points Robert Roberts (8/17/2012 1:56:00 AM)

    such emotion placed in a piece of writing if a story is worth a thousand words this on just hit all thousand a stupendous love the ending (the end of a Phoenix when it purpose is done to ash it returns as it set free and is reborn) (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Kelly Seale (8/12/2012 3:27:00 PM)

    Again, read this, enjoyed it as it carried me along, I must agree with what others said, but I must also admit, I cannot get away with 'Shakespearian Poetry, your words blended well with this style. (Very impressive) I myself, prefer to stick to my own style and let the magic take it where it may. Good Ink Tiffany!
    -Kelly. (PS, As I said, I can agree with the other comments, but I never tear ones work apart, the poet (you) is the only one, the only critic that counts.)
    -Kelly. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Caroline Bulleck (7/28/2012 6:23:00 PM)

    Absolutely beautiful. I was hooked from the beginning and couldn't pull my eyes away for a moment. Your style of writing is so entrancing. The vivid imagery, potent emotion, and effective wording and word choice captured me and wouldn't let me go. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Marcella D (7/12/2012 10:37:00 AM)

    This part got me interested with the poem:
    Music notes slip through the atmosphere
    The soothing sorrow filling
    The chilly air right here
    My chest fills with awe
    Whilst I softly serenade
    This melody stolen from the grave
    A lonely rose in a glass
    Still alive, sits proper
    Ambitions amassing to none

    ''Oh poor graceful plant, ''
    I whisper
    ''Thy's only destiny is to lament
    In thy's limitations
    Never knowing the joyous feelings
    Life provides.''
    Pity washes over me
    As I gaze upon this
    Ancient symbol of love and beauty

    ''Thou shalt be allowed
    To live freely; 'Tis your right! ''
    Suddenly a light flashes
    Within my eyes, burning bright
    A breeze surrounds the prisoner
    Picking up power as the moments pass
    Red darkens to black
    Petal transform to feathers
    All within the tiny cylinder
    Containing uncanny weather..

    everything else, you lost me. Make it like more inspiring, try reading famous childhood books or Fantasy books, you'll get the idea to make this poem really good :) (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 1,391 Points Kevin Patrick (6/29/2012 8:35:00 PM)

    Its beautiful stuff with an amazing flourish of language for someone your age, but I can't help but feel that its slightly clichéd, the emotions don’t seem authentic and seem drawing out in teenage angst which I admit I have been a part of many, many times. I see this as a struggle between the states of despair and the need to emancipate from it, but I cannot help but feel that this is just teenage emotion. I think you’re really amazing with form and language, but you need to really explore life and mature into an older women before you understand that the pain of today is nothing in comparison to what you will feel your older. Still good stuff (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 60 Points Kebe Iwara (6/21/2012 1:33:00 PM)

    Again, i'm shockd dat u're only 6teen. This is bcos dis poem is rich with deliberate structure to enhance d message. I'd prefer it called the rose and the raven. Immortality is about taking on a form dat will guarantee permeableness and ubiquity, so also is vision. I wonder if u've read pygmalion(nt necessarily bernard shaw's version) there's a lot more i wud hv said abt dis poem, bt i lack d words. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 22 Points Ebi Robert (6/20/2012 1:02:00 AM)

    Now see, this poetry goes with passion. The oxymoron bittersweet' the archaic language all adds to its beauty. Bravo. I love this work. (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 1,549 Points Hans Vr (6/17/2012 7:07:00 PM)

    Wow, strong images, almost like a painting, bringing a wonderful message. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 0 Points Christine Blaydes (5/24/2012 12:01:00 PM)

    Great, but, If you start more than one poem with, music, it will get a little old, on the other hand, you are doing well! consider and it will help alot. trust me, I took criticism, and it took me along way into the heart of poetry. (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 1,408 Points Dave Walker (12/6/2011 4:30:00 PM)

    Really like this, a really good poem.
    A really great write.
    May i invite you to read my new poem called,
    Return Of The Crow. (Report) Reply

Read all 17 comments »

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