Abigail Hauschild

I don't want to live like this
I need to feel close to someone
But I can't pay the price
I'll settle for the physical
...

Old habits are hard to break
Each repeated lie and every misrepresentation of my soul
Adds a bar to my cage
This cell of my own making is impossible to escape
...

I've written letters to you in my mind
These letters explain everything so beautifully
Making it impossible for you to stay mad or hurt or distant
If you only read them
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My thoughts are wild tonight
Every whisper a vine
wrapping around my sanity
Growing stronger and tighter
...

What happens to love…
When a father becomes a child?
What happens to love…
When promises can't be trusted?
...

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I am starving for sun
Thirsting for rain
Restless for spring
Anxious for winters end
...

I don't believe in love
I can't trust what I have never seen
I don't care for dreams
I can't treasure what only seems
...

It's a budding rose
And its thorns
It's a sparkling diamond
And its flaws
...

You erase my words
Stifle my screams
Bury me 6 ft. under
And even so I rise
...

Death, a beautifully feared truth
It can’t be changed or wished away
We all will die but
will we embrace it
...

Butterflies flutter in my stomach
But then...
They give birth to maggots crawling
Into my heart
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I am bare
left defenseless
still you take parts of my soul.
I am stoic
...

To be seen as beautiful by men is to be trapped
Beauty is put in boxes
Preconceived notions, fantasies, stereotypes, and idealizations
All constrict it's freedom
...

I have perfected the art of fading into the background
Just to keep you from seeing my pain
I can mold my face into any mirage I need
I shade my eyes with heavy curtains of fallacy
...

If only you knew my bravery was an act
Maybe then you'd offer me comfort
Yes, I'm a survivor
Yes, I'm a fighter
...

Her eyes swell like the ocean
Hurricanes swirl and waves crash inside her
Torrents overflow from those stormy grey eyes
But just like a summer storm
...

We lived our nightmares together
Always sleeping side by side
With comfort a whisper away
But now your dreams have forced us
...

I'm drowning in still waters
Screaming quietly into shadows
My distress comes from the past
The storm itself is over
...

Surrounded by glittering stars
The maiden of the Moon sits alone at night
All of darkness's beauty pales
In comparison to her silver light
...