Amber R. Smith

Amber R. Smith Poems

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Stupid Memory

That stupid memory, that fear of mine
That is always going to haunt me, from time to time
Of losing, being thrown away, being replaced
And having to remember it every time I see my own face
It is like sand, that silly game of love and romance
When you hold it tight, it leaves you in a slow, painful trance
It comforts one to hold things tight in your grasp
But if you do in this place, that comfort will be your last
It was easy at the start, with the lust and the high
And thinking that it would be something that will never lie
Then one thing, then another, then another
And you realize you do not even know each other
Then a lie and an apology
And a promise to make it better, so sorry
But it was a sign, a red flag that yelled “STOP”
So many tears fell, so many words dropped
Then things feel normal again, like nothing ever happened
And nothing in your love is lacking
And finally the day comes, that day that will never leave
It starts with the words “Can we talk please.”
And before you know it, you are alone again
It just started and ended in one hour
And how much of it was strength and power
It is over, everything you had, and cherished
And you feel like you have nothing, and should just leave this place and perish It destroys you inside and out, and there is nothing you can do
But try and pick up your own pieces, alone, just you
It takes one so much time, and tears
So many great moments, over those years
Then right as you are almost whole again, back to you again
You see him, holding another one
The arm that used to be wrapped around you
The words that say “Our love is true”
And you are broken down again
Outside getting soaked and beaten in the pouring rain
So you see my love, it will never leave me
It will never let me go, let me be free
His mistake will follow me, for eternity
It’s not right, it’s not fair, and it’s not how it should be
But this is a part of my past that is me
I know what its like to feel worthless, to feel easily replaced
And to be ashamed of looking at my own hands, body, and face
And I chose to feel that way because of him
But a beautiful, strong and powerful woman am I
And it will not be something that I will just give to any guy
I am wonderful, and a prize that is worthwhile

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