Gert Vlok Nel Biography

I live here in the town where the trains whistle
& the shunters shift the trains around on tracks
day & night
& I'm very much all right
...

don't leave me here
(what did you say? what did you say?) I said you mustn't
you mustn't leave me on my own in this country
where they still burn witches
...

River, o river you're the deepest word that I know
I could navigate by you to the sea & to her in the
hope that I would win her heart,
...

& you were beautiful in Beaufort West and I was so frightened and so frightingly in love with you & you & I had kissed on graves & on trains & on the back seats of Ford Fairlanes now you and your husband are both computer analysts & last winter you tried to cut both of your wrists & now you can't sleep anymore, can't laugh anymore, can't do anything for yourself, will never kiss me again

& your words were mooi mooi mooi also when you were smoking menthol cigarettes & said those sweet sweet things to me while you lay sweet sweet in my arms & I've exactly forgotten the exact words I only remember the smoke & the sweat in Beaufort West & your naked body under a cool cotton summer dress can't sleep anymore, can't laugh anymore, never do anything for each other again, never kiss each other again

& maybe it's like a story from the Huisgenoot, but one evening you suddenly pushed me away & looked at your face in the rear view mirror & said ‘maybe I should look happier' that evening I just couldn't get to sleep & the feeling that my heart would tear right out of my body & like a rowboat that's floating away on the river I could not sleep anymore, not laugh anymore, not do anything right again, never kiss you again

& the last memory I'll sing about is the night when you & I rode the milk train on and on into the night to the other side of the ding dong gong of the breakfast waiter passing in the corridor & this was my wake-up call my love, you said ‘wees asseblief life vir my' but I dreamed that we went to live in Beaufort West & I couldn't sleep anymore, couldn't laugh, couldn't do something like that anymore, will never kiss you again
...

Last night I dreamed that I was living in 1975 again, the year
when I was last happy. Then I walked down the steps & tapped
water for myself in the kitchen it was so quiet in the house.
The best years are gone. Anyway, & then I dreamed that I
would one day live as far away from 1998 as possible.

Last year I dreamed that I was living in my own most
beautiful words again in my most beautiful village & that I
was starting to get healthy again. Then I woke suddenly &
something wasn't right I was so lost I wasn't in my own home.
The most beautiful words are gone. Anyway, & then I
dreamed that I had gone to live in a language as far away
from Afrikaans as possible.

I my boyhood I had a girl she was beautiful beyond
Afrikaans she could make my heart dance in pain all night
& she was somehow Gert's last stance. And then she dreamed
that she had gone to live in a body as far away from my body as possible.
The loveliest love is gone. Anyway, then I dreamed that I had
gone to live by her body as far away from my body as possible.

Somewhere I dreamed that I attended my own funeral
& Pa was there & Ma was there & all my loves like in my
happiest year. But the best was this the best was this this was
that I bent down to the ground & kissed myself on my own
mouth.
The most beautiful dreams are gone. Anyway, then I dreamed
that I had gone to live in a dream as far away as possible
from here & now

Last night I dreamed that I was living in 1975 again, the year
when I was last happy. Then I descended from the step &
tapped water for myself in the kitchen it was so quiet in the
house. The best years are gone. Anyway, & then I dreamed that
I went to live in a country as far away from South Africa as
possible. & then I dreamed that I went to live in a country as
far away from South Africa as possible.
...