John Hegley

John Hegley Poems

Love cuts
love juts out
and you walk right into it.

The donkey ride
the road of palms
the garden path
the open arms,

the doors open
everyone comes out
everyone is ready
for fireworks

One playtime, staying out of the rain,
His heart sank, Someone sniffed his seat,
And said it stank,
A ritual followed,

I took Rover over to the park the other day
I met another bloke with another dog on the way
his dog was an alsation
my dog was not

my auntie gives me a colouring book and crayons
I begin to colour
after a while auntie leans over and says
you've gone over the lines

I say tewna, you say toona
I say happy new year,
You say happy new year
I say Cuba is a democracy worthy of


Lent, is meant to be spent fasting,
In rememberance of the Lord,
Lasting six weeks without a decent meal,
Six weeks in the desert,

how I remember the old scoutmaster
nobody could start a camp-fire faster
I can see the old scoutmaster in the old scout hut
saying always carry a plaster

Relieving myself in the Mediterranean
it occurs to me that some of my wee
has become part of the wider sea
which triggers thoughts of individuals


We were fourteen
and the two of us went camping
and you smuggled into my tent
and we smuggled


hello amoeba I wish you were my pet
but you're not really big enough to be seen by the vet
are you?
you're a little blob of jelly

I'm in India
feeling more secure
and less likely to get chinned 'ere
I made friends with a steam-train firemen

I believe this society to be
deeply keen to enforce
distinctions of gender
fearful of course

Once, a skinhead in my class
came round my house in his Doctor Martens
and passing the rubber galoshes
which my dad wore

Once a Centurion soldier,
Said, Venus how I want to hold you,
She replied, I'm a god,
And it's great on my tod,

John Hegley Biography

John Hegley is an English performance poet, comedian, musician and songwriter. Early Life He was born in the Newington Green area of Islington, London, England, into a Roman Catholic household. He was brought up in Luton and Bristol. After school he worked as a bus conductor and civil servant before attending the University of Bradford, where he gained a B.Sc. in European Literature and the History of Ideas and Sociology. Hegley has French ancestry (his father's name was René) and claims he is descended from the composer Jean-Philippe Rameau. His paternal grandmother was a dancer with the Folies Bergère. Career Hegley began his performing career at London's Comedy Store in 1980, and received national exposure when he appeared with his backing band the Popticians on Carrott's Lib in 1983, and recorded two sessions for John Peel in 1983 and 1984. Hegley published his first poetry collection, Visions of the Bone Idol (Poems about Dogs and Glasses), pieces from which were later incorporated into Glad to Wear Glasses, in 1984. Hegley has written a number of collections of poetry, ranging from the surreal through the humorous to the personal and emotional. There are a number of recurring themes in his poems, notably glasses, dogs and reminiscences of his childhood in Luton. He was presenter of the Border Television series Word of Mouth - in which numerous contemporary poets performed their work - in 1990, and the BBC radio series Hearing with Hegley from 1996 to 1999. His other television appearances include Wogan and Never Mind the Buzzcocks. In 1998, Hegley's poem "Malcolm" came second in a BBC survey to find Britain's most popular comic poem.[6] In 1999 he starred in a Simon Callow-directed revival of the musical The Pajama Game in London's West End. Hegley frequently performs live and is a regular at the Edinburgh Festival. His stage act includes elements of poetry, music (he plays the mandolin and is often accompanied by a double bassist), comedy and Luton Town Football Club. He also likes to utilise audience participation in his shows, for example by having a dog drawing competition during the interval, or by asking his audience to try writing poetry themselves. The University of Luton awarded him an honorary LL.D. in 2000, and he has also led creative writing courses at the university. Hegley launched "Warning: May Contain Nuts", a project using comedy to increase awareness of mental illness. He performed these shows in 2010 with other performers, including comic Mackenzie Taylor, talking about mental illness.)

The Best Poem Of John Hegley

Love Poem By My Dog

I saw you in the park
I wanted to be your friend
I tunnelled my snout
up your non-barking end

John Hegley Comments

jeffy marsden 11 December 2017

hiiiiiyyyyyy how yaa doin laaa

2 10 Reply
lee smith 11 December 2017

hi therrrrr my name is jeff

2 10 Reply
luke shelton 24 May 2018

hello boys ;) im single snapchat me: lukeshelton230 rawr XD

4 8 Reply
jeffy marsden 11 December 2017

hiiiiiyyyyyy how ya doing laaa

1 9 Reply
Chloe 14 April 2019

These comments below are very unnessecary but I think that John Henley is a very good poet but is not very well known by most people.

3 2 Reply
Krissie heatley 27 March 2022

Hi new here u ok to give me some advice? thanks

0 0 Reply 14 December 2021

Hey John, check out our awards if you're interested. Fees are waived this year : )

0 0 Reply
Francis ngwenya 29 July 2019

I love e way he plays with words

0 0 Reply
deadt 30 May 2019


0 1 Reply
cheriee 21 April 2019

I love the humour and just plain fun in Hegley's poetry.

2 0 Reply

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