Jon Chan

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Conflicted

There are so many feelings rushing through my heart
Sinking, soaring, euphoric tragedy
This melodious plight, with too many parts
Tears into my mind, drowns it in a sea
Of Love and Hate
So tired of the wait.

Lost in a fantasy where I once had you
Crazy thinking that you’ll come back
But even if you do, there are things I wish you knew
Between my heart and my mind; a crack
Separating my desire for you
To what I know you need to undo.

All the pain that I’ve caused
I can never repent
For that life that I kept paused
It was never my intent
To hurt you in such a way
Not a lover, but a prey.

But through time I learned
The fallacies I held in my mind
Which now, forever burned
If again, you’ll be mine
But is this selfish?
For me to have this wish?

Now that I know you’ve finally moved on
It’s my turn that I can’t let you go
Because I know I’ll never hear this song
And I don’t ever want to be this low
But if we were to be once more,
Will we fight the same War?

I’m confused because I think I love you
I’m confused because I know I can’t
But if our path were to continue,
A second life, a transplant,
My heart beats again and my soul at peace.
But once again, I ignored you Bernice.

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