Conflicted Poem by Jon Chan

There are so many feelings rushing through my heart
Sinking, soaring, euphoric tragedy
This melodious plight, with too many parts
Tears into my mind, drowns it in a sea
Of Love and Hate
So tired of the wait.

Lost in a fantasy where I once had you
Crazy thinking that you’ll come back
But even if you do, there are things I wish you knew
Between my heart and my mind; a crack
Separating my desire for you
To what I know you need to undo.

All the pain that I’ve caused
I can never repent
For that life that I kept paused
It was never my intent
To hurt you in such a way
Not a lover, but a prey.

But through time I learned
The fallacies I held in my mind
Which now, forever burned
If again, you’ll be mine
But is this selfish?
For me to have this wish?

Now that I know you’ve finally moved on
It’s my turn that I can’t let you go
Because I know I’ll never hear this song
And I don’t ever want to be this low
But if we were to be once more,
Will we fight the same War?

I’m confused because I think I love you
I’m confused because I know I can’t
But if our path were to continue,
A second life, a transplant,
My heart beats again and my soul at peace.
But once again, I ignored you Bernice.