Oliver Schminkey

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How To Love Your Body In Ten Easy Steps

How to love your body in ten easy steps:
One: stop eating,
You may not think you are fat
But eating less will make you feel as if you have control.

Two: pretend you believe in God.
It will give you a reason for why you have no control.

Three: welcome the anxiety as a friend.
Bring it with you to every social function
And hold it close to you when you sleep,
This anxiety is the only guarantee you feel anything.

Four: read the comments after pro-transgender articles.
Read every person who calls you a mistake
And invite them into your home,
Construct an altar every time they call you a freak, unnatural, unlovable,
The Catholic church reserves a special spot for you in Hell.
Take this as a compliment.
Believe these insults as if they were prayers.

Five: bind your chest.
Bind unsafely, bind for too long,
This binding is the only way you can trick yourself into feeling complete.
Run, even though your lungs can't fully expand due to the constriction.
It will hurt when you breathe,
And you could puncture a lung from the pressure.
Be grateful.
A lung full of blood is a quicker death
Than most people would wish for you.

Six: change your name to "it".
We all know the logical progression; "he", "she", "it",
man, woman, whatever.
You are the whatever, the most general thing to hate.
This "it" is the closest thing they will give you to a name,
A legal recognition of your gender,

Seven: blame your body for this.
Blame your breasts, blame your cheekbones, blame the places you bleed.
Do not call it what it is.
Do not call it transgender, do not say dysphoria,
Just say depression, no qualifier.
Call it self-hate, call it "I just need an alone day"
Take an alone day every day.

Eight: pretend you do not still love her.
Her.
The woman inside of your chest.
The one who pains your lungs as you breathe,
The one who binds your mouth.
Pretend this is her fault,
Pretend she is only a prescription written for someone else,
A bottle of Vicodin you would only become addicted to.

Nine: Stay calm.
Smile when people spit in your face,
Say thank you every time they misgender you,
Every time they tell you that you are not allowed to know who you are. Blame yourself for not being a more convenient sin.

Ten: claim this hate proudly.
It is how the world taught you to love yourself.

It is the only way you know how.

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