Phil Soar Poems

I grew up thinking Cuckoos lived in clocks
That eskimos wore fifteen pairs of socks
That instant coffee was a magic trick
That eating lots of chocolate made me sick
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I'm over-used, I'm over used!
Said the exclamation mark
I'm better than a comma
The relationship is stark
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As a lover, I am gentle
As a sex god, I'm a fraud
Five seconds into intercourse
My partner's looking bored
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Its Spring
I'm sitting watching birds
I'm watching from a plastic chair
Their songs are full of words
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'I'll have some more', the infant said
As he stood there in the queue
The dinner lady looked at him
And poured him some more stew
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As Border Collie's go, she is matched for the breed
Built for working, streamlined for speed
She's a little bit quirky, and quite a lot daft
And couldn't quite make it, in the herding sheep craft
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Beyond the edge of nothing, lies a land of make believe
Where imaginary beings float around on motorised brown leaves
Where the land is made of candy sweets, topped with caramel
And children play in chocolate rivers and do not mind the smell
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I F***ing hate digestives
I F***ing hate Rich Teas
I F***ing hate all biscuits
I'm F***ing hard to please.
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They use the Green baize, like a manicured lawn,
They train on its surface from midnight to dawn,
Using angles and corners with extraordinary skill,
Placing balls in the pockets, it seems, at their will.
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