11½ Poem by Josh B.

Inside I'm broken, beaten,
and abused.
When you ask me, I'll tell you
that's the reason that I
used.
To me that's a valid
justification because it
masked all the pain.
But not to 90% of people
who have never used a
fucking thing.
They don't understand the
shit I went through.
They might think they
understand my reasons
and explanations,
but that's far from being
fact.
Anxiety, depression, and
panic attacks, and that's
just to name a few.
It's disheartening when I'm
manic to be asked if I'm
sober, when I'm not doing
meth.

I feel like no one gets it and
that's just more racing
thoughts and pain in my
chest
I wish and beg and plead my
brain would just take a
fucking rest
I don't know what else I can
do to get through to
family and friends other
than a clean piss test
Bipolar is my issue and
that's a cold hard fact
highs and lows...
... Did you know, it
decreases my appetite
and need for sleep, and it
can also elevate my
mood.
On the flip side you can
catch attitude...
Don't even get me started on
wishing the maker would
take it all back
I can see how you might
think I'm using when I'm
manic, from the
perspective of walking in
your shoes.
I wish and wish for just this
once you could at least
fucking try and at least
ask my fuckin' size.
Hell, you don't even have to
walk...
Just analyze it through my eyes.