A Graveyard Song Poem by Amy Nye

“Today is the day.” I whisper the words of finality into your ear, savoring every word as it comes out of my raspy throat. I slip my frigid, stiff hand into yours as my voice echoes from the lonely white halls, as I stare up at the rafters where the angels sit idly and play their harps. Music that no living being should hear. But I do. Their angelic choir makes my soul ache with the longing for a forgotten memory. The fluorescent lights shine their best. Attempting to make this godforsaken place seem brighter than the rest of the world. It fails. The shadows cast their reflection across the long hall. Their ethereal beauty does not belong to this world, yet here they are. Out of place in this unyielding plateau of misery called home. The irony does not escape me. That something of such beauty should be condemned to lay here alone and unwanted. It torments me to the deepest fiber of my being. But for no longer.

“Today is the day” I echo my thoughts around my head. They chase each other until I feel sanity slipping away like grains of sand. But they never stop. You and I hold hands as we skip down the lonely white halls that no sane being would walk upon. The floor is oddly padded. I convince myself that we sit upon corpses of people who couldn’t find their way back. This is not home. I don’t understand why I’m here. Wilted flowers and past memories lay on the white counters. White everything. White counters. White paper with engraved words that shelter years of pain and struggles. But they’re gone now. My shrill laughter is carried away down the broken hall. Your charcoal black eyes reflect nothing but me.

“Today is the day.” The moment is passing. My desperation is written clearly shot with pain throughout my body. I long for an escape from these white walls that are closing in on me. Your hand fails to comfort me. You are but a shade of the past. Living through my fear; Consuming me. But I don’t leave, I don’t let go. I will not forsake you.

“Today is the day.” I fight against the barriers that I’m shackled against. I beat my fists against the cold plastic table. My knuckles begin to bleed beautiful drops of scarlet. I feel like a wild animal backed into a dead end. There’s no escape for me. Forced to live in this hypocritical cruel damnation called life. I am more than the beings I share this empty existence with. I rule my world with a crystal scepter. Surrounded by my loyal subjects. Worshipped by your adoring gaze. But it’s all flat and empty. No one deserves this. But what does it matter? I question the laws of gravity until my head spins and I lose my voice. The incessant chatter from the other side of the hall makes the voices in my head writhe in pain.

“Today is the day.” I feel the longing of a past memory try to call me home. Home. The mere mention of the word sends a wave of contempt surging through my being. I scream in agony as your empty black stare reflects nothing but my demented soul. There is no pretense of reason behind the vacancy in my reflection. Only the voices in my head remain. But their cries are insanity incarnate.

“Today is the day.” The darkness is all consuming. Reaching its carnivorous arms out to devour my soul. Its face is yours. The very person who once worshipped me, I now worship and in turn, you are devouring me slowly. Your claws rip into my flesh as I struggle to break free from your grasp. I don’t know what’s happening. You are the very monster I was running from. You’re the very thing I tried to leave behind. You’re the reason I’m trapped in this terrifying white place. I thought I succeeded. I thought I chased you away. Maybe I did. Maybe you are something different from anything else I’ve ever known. Maybe your form changed throughout my respite. You took the guise of my friend. You plunged the knife into my back. Without me knowing. Blood is spilled on the plastic floor. I never knew it was mine. Your voice whispers incessantly. I can’t hear my own voice. Maybe I never had one.

“Today is the day.” I can feel the climax coming. The rush of blood to my head makes my heart stop. The machines keep making their incessant noise. I’m chained down. You come closer and closer. Everything is falling. White light shines down on my eyes.

“Today is the day.” You whisper the words next to my ear as you swab my temples with acid. I scream and thrash. Sobs crash against my rib cage like ocean waves trying to escape from the moon. I can’t do this. You push your hands against the acid. You push soul suckers against my head. I’m losing my mind. But how can you lose something that was never found? I don’t know anymore.

“Today is the day.” I thought you were my friend. My mind is empty. A blank space. I’m alone. Who was my friend? What is a day? What is today? I don’t understand. I don’t remember. Why can’t I remember? Maybe I’m not supposed to know. Maybe I’m supposed to be empty.

“Today is the day.” Today I will remember what I lost. Today I will remember who I was. As I walk down a lonely hall, my voice echos back from the emptiness it embodies. The fluorescent lights try to make this godforsaken place seem brighter. It works.