ever since i started growing up the only thing that's grown is ego fear
like smoking my cigarette on my parent's front lawn, not the sidewalk because someone could see me and afterwards i wash my hands like Judas did
i find i do not like christmas.
giving presents in exchange for love
eating food in exchange for a thank you
i find i do not like breathing
smoking
in my dreams and getting out of bed to just have a cigarette this is not a poem about
smoking
this is a poem about why i do not want to live
this is a poem about why i do not want to die
on new Years i will spend the whole day apologizing and drinking my parents margarita mix because after all
choosing to live (love) is a high school afterparty (fear) and everyone is laughing (dream) because puberty is funny that way (lies
i do not tell my mother i smoke cigarettes.
i do not tell my mother i love her.
i do not tell her i am unhappy living with her.
i tell my ex-girlfriend that we can be friends when she breaks up with me and i
smile when my grandfather says i've gained weight.
i'm growing up in anticipation.soon i will be 21 and life will seem boring again
i look forward to it anyway;
i find i do not like christmas, and this is not a poem about smoking.
this is a poem about why i chose to get out of bed on christmas Anyways.
...
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem