A Taste Of What I'Ll Never Own, A Moment Of A Dream And Then It's Over, Could Never Be A Waste Of Emotion, As Long As It Was A Moment To Remember.... Poem by Ash Hickok

The coming attraction
that never came.
Was it was true love at first write… or just a chemical distraction..?
-An allusion to an old game:
the substitution of illusion for substance… and I Can’t GET NO- Sattisssfaction
but i tried, and i tried


“A taste of what I’ll never own, a moment of a dream and then its over-
-could never be a waste of emotion as long as it was a moment to remember…? ”
Man… Did I compose that line for her before,
I suppose its true I used to be a liar..


Today I’m left alone at home, no longer self-deceiving.
Retrieving that old feeling
following the reeling in your gut that tumbles over what you are NOT believing…
you ARE believing.
~~~~~~~~~~YOU ARE FALLING~~~~~~~~~~
for someone who isn’t even really there...
for you-
a brief reprieve; a moment to have her, in your mind at least.

Desiring keeping her fire burning, but I’m losing.. I want her leashed…
(my dream girl would want that some nights too)
I signed my half of a lease to love, but it never wore another signature.
Will the contract in fact
become void even before her pen can give its cursive black contact?
I touched her thoughts.. I thought I touched her..
I thought she felt something / I felt something new- how lame of a way to lose her- loser..
Gone in a black blip like turning off a computer screen……
a florescent flicker
and then it’s over..
When the power goes down, realities of love fit with ease
into discrepancies of my expertise in failure..
Is it still failing without trying…? I know I’m a know-it-all, but I’m sure I’m not sure
where she is? (is she done?)
Have I already lost her attention?

So what.. I may be daydreaming, but a mess of love is still love even before being sorted.
It really makes me sick
to be that stupid boy… boy am I stupid, candidly displaying my love randomly becoming undid..
There is only one free seat at the end of the music-
and lonely quiet... … …
Does she see me running, albeit a bit late,
but I didn’t know we were playing musical chairs until everything went silent.
I thought I was playing against fate,
but I wasn’t playing a game at all.
I have been more honest how I feel for a dreamy girl this fall
than anytime anywhere with anyone-
Stupid boy. Will the realization of a real fantasy not be of my dreams, but of an old question:
'Why would my dream girl be dreaming of me? '
Why would she pick me over everybody (anybody) else…
is she just picking on me- Laughing at how beautiful I see her quirky personality,
and my addiction to her attraction,
to who she is.

(Who does she think she is..)

But what if…
what if love is for real?
-Deal or no deal
for a feeling someone has forgotten to feel.
I guess I will never know now / now I will just never know.
I was holding on tight to Yesterday, but we were thrown away by Tomorrow.

Five years ago,
I said I only needed a slow starry night to live and an illusion to love:
A slice of happiness or just enough to fake it… but I need more now.
Something well above simply being proud of…
I need a woman who in my eyes is reminiscent of perfection,
and I will spend a lifetime in awe of her.
My dreams will never settle for less than 'The One'.

‘Dream girl’- is there another?
A brighter hope… A better dream… Another lover…
She is holding together the blank pages of an open mind
with a unique song both beautifully bold and softly sung.
A quixotic sound that strands my soul satisfyingly intertwined in hope unrefined.

There is a name on the tip of my tongue.
A tongue in the corner of my mind and on my heart is one amazing woman.
I am face to face with a beautiful smile on the farthest plains of my imagination.
I don’t need to ever wonder “IF” or “Why” it’s just a matter of “Where” and “WHEN”.
Simply watching the horizon, waiting to meet her,
while she is somewhere unknowingly dreaming of a man like me,
and if my dream girl isn't, then I was dreaming about the wrong person.

The one ideal is not just an idea, I strive to thrive for more than a fantasy.

I have always been a survivor.
Physically my body could live for a handful of weeks without food and days without water,
I am sure my brain cells could survive nearly five minutes without air.

I already have endured dark days, but I cannot truly live a single second without hope.
I made it to the other side of hell and always learned to cope
with every sticky thing that dark times are made of,
but I don’t want to just exist.
I will wait for the consummate covenant God made for me to share in life and love:
My best friend- My most-trusted partner-
A lifelong tryst...
I will have more than just a pretty dream to remember.