A Total Monster Poem by David Welch

Ed was born forty-two years back,
and even since the age of ten
he'd looked with enrapt eyes upon
the heroics of firemen.
He wanted to join their number,
to rescue folks when in danger,
he'd go to their open houses,
to the crew he was no stranger.
But Ed knew he needed options,
that life was unpredictable,
so instead he went to college,
to be educated in full.
He did the normal college thing,
and had himself a bit of fun,
partied and drank like most kids do,
but he was far from the worse one.
He got a degree, his back-up,
and then when out to the real world,
it wasn't long before he had
found himself a job and a girl.
As he hoped a fire company
hired him on to fight the flames,
started at the bottom of course,
worked hard to build up a good name,
and made his way up through the ranks,
having a family as he went,
not always an easy balance,
but he kept on and went where sent.
Yes, Ed worked multiple fires,
and rescued people several times,
the kind of greatness we all need
but rarely ponder in our minds.
Then in Ed's forty-second year
a small learjet struck a hotel,
jet fuel started an inferno,
countless souls trapped in living hell.
The lower floors were all ablaze,
hundreds of folks still were upstairs,
Ed went to the roof on ladders,
and found countless people up there.
With the low floors now afire
they had no real way to escape,
and they could not use the ladders,
not enough time given the blaze.
He ordered the ladders detached,
and with help, pulled it all up high
they stretched them across the alley,
to a building that was nearby.
All the people began crawling,
moved by panic to the other side,
Ed was the last to go over,
minutes before burning alive.

And then Ed was a great hero,
his image plastered on the news,
the man who had saved two hundred,
even came to Hollywood's view
since two of the people he saved
were actors on a cable show,
he'd also saved the mayor's brother,
was so praised that he nearly glowed.
He got medals and great discounts
from all of the stores in his town,
a folk song wrote on the internet
went viral and circled around.
For a month or so Ed just blushed,
he found it all overwhelming,
but there are some who don't like heroes,
and soon enough they did their thing.
An old girlfriend saw a payday,
and put on the social networks
that Ed wasn't a real hero,
in fact he was really a jerk.
See one day after they'd broke up
she saw the man at a party,
this happened way back in college,
when Ed had been only twenty.
He and a girl had gotten drunk,
and sure enough did slip outside,
both of them had been caught f-cking
in the stairs on a dorm's north side.

The outrage brigades went crazy,
the snowflakes all just lost their sh-t,
claimed this woman couldn't consent,
it was ‘rape, ' and he had done it!
That he himself was quite drunk too
didn't matter that much you see,
that this woman raised no outcry
did not mean they should show mercy.
They ginned up their two-minute hate,
called him ‘sexist, ' ‘rapist' and ‘scum,
demanded that he be fired
before he could 'hurt anyone.'
Harassed the fire department
with protests that dragged on for weeks,
spammed the city's internet sites,
even interrupted a mayor's speech.
And the media latched on it,
lied boldly, like they always do,
got a survivor to declared
she would not have gone if she knew.
Ed, obviously, was surprised,
but knew his team would stand by him,
yet when the politicians called
saw things were looking rather grim.
And when the mayor explained to him
that the city must protect itself,
he resigned to keep his pension,
cursing public servants to hell.
And now he can no longer save
good people when they might be hurt,
but the SJWs don't care,
they cheered taking down ‘a monster.'