Access Denied Poem by ivor or ivor.e hogg

Ofttimes enwrapt in reverie
I have a distant memory
but I cannot be sure it’s true
Of my mother who I barely knew.

She died so very long ago.
There is so much I do not know
I only know what I’ve been told
and that recedes as I grow old.

Although I try I can’t recall
her face: bring it to mind at all.
I feel I should be able to
but there is nothing I can do.

Sometimes I wake to find I’ve wept.
But I can do nothing but accept.
That time’s erased the memory
of the face I long to see.

Some faded photographs remain
which I look at, try to regain.
The memories I have repressed
It may be that it’s for best.

I was so young when mother died.
My wants and needs were satisfied.
By father and the family
and I grew up quite happily.


Would mother have been proud of me?
I she’d lived long enough to see.
The man her little boy grew into.
My mother who I barely knew.

Then I remember guiltily
my mother lost much more than me.
The grandchildren she’d never know
the chance to see her children grow.

But I still pursue selfishly
that one elusive memory.
That’s buried somewhere deep inside
A need that can’t be satisfied.


Perhaps because I’m growing old
and only have what I was told
to remember mother by.
I know I’ll fail but I still try.

24/07/2009
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