After A Breaking.... Poem by RIC BASTASA

i wait for
boredom, or

that feeling
of me being
wasted

i am at this
place
where i wish
i get feed
up finally

when you do not
affect me
when i am finally
what i am
without you

i pray for this
when i may finally
have my own wings
so i can fly
above you

you nitwit me.
you make me too small
for myself
to be seen by my own
eyes

i throw away this
heart in exchange for
nothing

i pray for this
when you finally mean
nothing to me
when i feel nothing
for you
except this
final distaste
for the filth
and humiliation

to arrive at this
i must savor you
i must consume you
and i must be patient
about my
degradation

it is a certain
stage
before reaching
enlightenment
and i must pass this
without haste

when this moment
arrives
i am finally free
i am finally cleansed
and be
decent again

i can then face myself
in the mirror
with my dignity intact

after a fall,
after a sin,
after a breaking.