Ahoy Jandlubbers Poem by Frederick Nellist

The sea not sailed for worse or better
It's made of water what could be wetter
Getting on in years not sailed a lot
Ancient perhaps but a mariner I'm not.

I can't see myself floating in a boat
Sea sick in places completely remote
I'm not cut out to be a jolly Jack Tar
That's taking things a little too far.

Being caught in storms the future bleak
Peril at sea if the boat springs a leak
Out of sight of land unable to dock her
Taking up residence in Davy Jones locker.

Getting ship wrecked without any flippers
Doing a backstroke with a shoal of kippers
Navigating the seas in unfriendly waves
Playing tag with sharks in watery graves.

Avast there landlubbers(a nautical term)
Dry land only I'll bide where it's firm
I'm no cockle shell hero Can't even swim
Many more ways to risk life and limb.