All I Could Do Was Cry - Poem by Sikhona Gqabaza
You know that feeling when u are losing someone
When there's nothing you can do about it
You have said all there is to say
You have kneeled until your knees had enough
Prayer seems to be making you stronger
Just not bringing them back.
You have cut open your heart
There's no word in the dictionary to describe the pain you feel
It keeps cutting deeper by the day
Its not because you haven't been there before
Perhaps that's the problem
You've been there before
And sadly with the same person.
Have you ever gotten to that he keeps hurting you without even trying
you sit and ask yourself why does it hurt so much
Its not like you had a Cinderella story
It was never like in the movies
It was no fairytale
So why does it so much.
You sit and watch him slip through your fingers
How does one love so much and the other so little
How do you give your heart to someone without realizing it
How can one person hurt you so much and you just let them.
When every word has been said
Every effort has been made
When you prayed without seizing
When you have asked
When you have given all that you could
Yet you still watch him go
You feel him disconnecting from you
You look at him go
And all you can do is cry.
When you get to the point that even your own words have ran from you
Your own tears have dried up
Your eyes are hurting
You cant do it anymore
You get to the point that you cry in your heart
You are broken inside
Tears don't show up anymore
But all you are able to do is cry.
How do you then wake up in the morning and smile
How do you laugh and be happy
How do you go on when you are so broken
They see you smile, they see you happy
You laugh the loudest because you are trying to hide what's inside
You wake up in the morning, put on your make up and wear your smile
After all you depend on it.
You are so pretty they say
You have such a beautiful, genuine smile, they tell you
Genuine? ? Do they know the pain it comes with?
Do they know how hard it is to shape it?
Do they know how wet your pillow was before your tears dried out?
Truth is, that smile is as broken as your heart.
A genuine smile they say,
Did they see you when he loved you so much?
Did they see you when held your hand while you walked?
Did they ever see you when he called you every night?
How about when he said he loved you and meant it?
When he came around to see you?
When he kissed your forehead at times?
When you knew he cared?
They wouldn't be saying you have a beautiful smile.
Such sparkling eyes they say
They should have seen them before you got you used to crying
How they would lit up at the mention of his name
They should have seen them when they were full of joy and not pain
They were really beautiful and white
Crying has a tendency of making them red and it stains them.
Loving someone does that to you
Moving on makes it better
When you don't need to cry anymore.
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