Altruistic Friendships? Poem by tianna graham

The more I realize and understandAbout the way other people think, How their actions can affect me, The more I want to run and hide. It seems that everyone close to me Has their own mercenary motive For pretending to be my friend.I don’t feel I can trust anyone. I pick apart each friendship minutely; Looking at all the ways I am used, Trying to find any other reason, Why that friendship even exists. For although it feels so real and right To me, who can ever know? What goes on inside another’s mind, Who can blindly trust like I do? How much must we allow for friendship? The push and pull, the give and take.Where is the line that must not be over stepped? And who decided what the rules were anyway? Rather than navigate this emotional minefieldI am ready to walk away from everyone: Throwing the good away with the greedy, Ready to return to an insular world. For what price can I put on friendship? Should I cost out the price of happiness? Or should I pay for every night when I phone For reassurance against the fear I can’t name. And am I ignoring my own deep failing? Am I using others as I resent them using me? Are my reasons as needy and pathetic, As the ones I analyze around me?