Am I To Be Saved? Poem by Alyssa Howell

Am I to be saved
from the heart-breaking, despair?
The air filling my lungs is nothing but
pain and the substance that fatal to life
i want to give my all
Or is it all a facade like everything else?
Everyday more and more is killing me
Seeping through the outside
so everyone can see
What kind of pathetic, low-life, child is
me...
One is afraid of certain things and wants
to be the perfect little thing
The out-rim of love is there for others
but is taken away with trickery or lies
From what my mind thinks is a facade of
futil, disgusted things.
All the beauty in this place is what keeps my
mind in peace.
Then the things we do and I remember or see
make the breaking point of the bloody scene.
Am I to be saved?
Such a poor, futil old thing.
Mold has started to cover my limbs.
All I ever wanted was to make you proud.
All I ever wanted was to was to be in a crowd.
All i ever wanted was a family that was together
and that would love me.
I cried, I tried, I've hurt myself and regreted it to
this day
The future holds me by the throat as I try to stand.
I know I'm not alone, but it feels like it anytime of
the day
I want to change, but one says you can't. You are who
you are. Then does that mean, I'll never be what I wanted
or be saved from this desmaling grave?
I don't always feel like this but it feels as if im on the other-
side of the mirror looking inward, pearing inside something.
When I close my eyes I feel different....
Am I to be saved?
From this lingering, self-indeguling, riddle.