As You Forgave Me, I Forgive Poem by Christen Kuikoua

Oh God, I forgive.
I choose to forgive.

Not because the wound is small.
Not because the pain is gone.
Not because my heart is not shattered and dragged across the ground.

No.

I forgive because I remember You.

Oh God, how many times have I stood before You in my mistakes?
How many times have I knelt with the same shame in my chest?
How many times have I whispered the same weak apology?

"I am sorry."
"I will not do it again."
"I promise this time will be different."

How many promises have I made before Your throne?

And how many promises have I broken?

How many times have I fallen back into the same pit?
How many times have I returned to the same sin?
How many times have I wounded the very heart that created me?

Again.
And again.
And again.

And still, You forgave me.

Oh God Almighty, nineteen years You have watched me stumble.
Nineteen years You have watched me fail.
Nineteen years You have watched me promise heaven
and then crawl back into the same dirt.

And still, You forgave me.

Tell me then — who am I to refuse forgiveness to another?

Who am I to hold a grudge
when I have lived by Your mercy?

Oh God, I forgive.

Not because it does not hurt.
It hurts.

Not because my heart is not broken.
It is broken.

My thoughts twist like storms in my mind.
My chest burns with the memory of what was done.

But I remember something greater.

I remember how many times I broke Your heart.

And still You forgave me.

Oh God, I forgive.

Not because I am strong.
But because I want to be like You.

Your mercy humiliates my pride.
Your patience exposes my weakness.
Your forgiveness crushes my desire for revenge.

You forgive the guilty.
You restore the broken.
You show mercy where justice could destroy.

And so I stand before You and ask:

Teach me.

Teach me to forgive.

Teach me to forget the poison my heart wants to drink.
Teach me to release the chains my anger keeps tightening.
Teach me to move forward when my soul wants to stay trapped in the pain.

For it is written:

Blessed are the merciful,
for they shall obtain mercy.

Oh God Almighty, give me the strength to forgive.

To forgive in agony.
To forgive in suffering.
To forgive in betrayal.
To forgive when the wound still bleeds.

Give me the courage to forgive when pride screams for revenge.
Give me the humility to forgive when justice demands punishment.

Oh God, I forgive.

Even if my voice trembles.
Even if my heart struggles.
Even if the scar still burns beneath the surface.

I forgive.

Help me forgive.
Help me forgive again.
Help me forgive until mercy becomes my nature.

Because if You had not forgiven me,
I would already be lost.

So today I say it again before heaven and earth:

Oh God, I forgive.

And by Your mercy,

Teach me to forgive.