Awareness - Poem by Anji Carter
These strange confused contusions, are they a part of me?
And if they are, then why are they?
I have a mind that runs at tangents, tying itself in knots,
It's always getting lost.
Am I a fool?
Does wisdom catch the bus that's goes to 'Folly'?
And though I wait, with counted fare, the bus does not arrive.
It's late again, and must I waste the coins of my life?
I know my destination, the place I'd like to be.
But does the place called Wisdom exist in Purgatory?
First I have to travel, there's still so much to see,
There really is no knowing when I'll know who I can be, before I can be ‘Me'.
Perhaps I'll buy a ticket for the train, I must accept the limits of life's chains.
Calling the conductor to attend,
I will ascend.
When storms approach, I'll strap me to the mast.
Waiting for the thrashing winds to come,
When they are done, perhaps I'll greet the sun,
Warming the drifting woods that float me on life's tides to other lands,
To cast me once again on foreign sands.
I am again!
How could I ask for more?
Do I want to feel, to be, to tread another shore?
To cart this heavy cross without a sail?
To tear myself upon each rusty nail?
I'll bleed, when crimson tears fall at my feet, my toes will curl into the stony ground,
They'll stumble over questions, there's always some around.
Who wants to care? But not to isn't fair.
Solitude's a lonely place, if I remain my needs must be sustained,
No company, no gentle smile, no laughter for the pain?
Where can I find a bed, some food, some shelter from the rain?
A poet's soul has many needs, there must be meat so it may feed.
No matter what I try to eat, for me to live, then something has to cease.
Death is life, and life is death, one ends to start the next.
If I don't hurt, how can I laugh? How can I find my best?
Without the smile to wipe the tears, can innocence allay my fears?
When I'm confused am I aware, can ego free me from my cares?
Can I travel, and to where?
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