Baby's First Diary Poem by Brian Smith

November 13th:
Dear diary. Just came into the world a few hours ago.
Thought I'd get started on this diary early.
Still pretty tired from the move.
Feeling kind of grouchy and surly.

November 17th:
Everyone talks to me like I'm an idiot.
Goo goo gaa gaa? What is that?
I enjoy my mother's milk, but it's a natural laxative to me.
Not eating yet, I want to lose some of this baby fat.

December 1st:
I discovered this amazing appendage.
Dad says it's my leg (and hell)I am raising.
I can put it all the way to my mouth.
Not bragging, but my range of motion is amazing.

December 25
People keep talking about a king child born today
Mention of this baby Jesus really makes me wince.
He may be the King of all mankind.
But in this house, I am the only prince.

January 1st
Brought in the new year with a full diaper and a fine whine.
Ended the day with a lovely oil massage from mother.
Dad fed me 2 cups of pureed peaches and cream.
Thank you sir, may I have another.

April 19
Some older kid of four took my favorite toy.
So I put the punk in his place.
He learned a lesson, you touch my stuff,
I vomit curdled milk all over your face.

June 13
I may be over reacting, but Mother seems upset.
I said Dad's name first this week.
Sorry Mother, I just sort of blurted it out by mistake.
Next time I may have to think before I speak.

August 15
Mom scolded me today, said I was "acting like a diva".
Hey! You have to stay true to who you are.
But, if you make certain demands for food and drinks.
People call you a rock star.

November 13
Happy Birthday to me, where's my cake?
So far so good, but I do have one little fear.
Life is going so fast. By the time I turn two,
I will have doubled my age in one year!