Beautiful Disaster Poem by amanda lathberry

Each and every day I struggle
To make it through the pain
There's a rainbow up above me
But I can't see it through the rain
The storm clouds just keep rolling in
My pasts not far behind
No matter what the promise is
I break it every time
Trouble, fear, and shattered dreams
Fill my broken heart
I need to pick myself back up
I just don't know where to start
Sometimes it's hard to convince myself
That I really matter
The outside may be beautiful
But the insides a disaster
It's not my fault
God knows I've tried
To change the way I am
The outcomes never different
I just don't understand
The drugs can't even numb my mind
Or take away my fear
But they cover up emotion
For it seems I have no tears
If I could cry
I'd cry for me
And everyone I've hurt
But those tears would be in vain
You can't cross bridges once they've burnt