Because Of Mercy Poem by Natasha Andeyi

It's painful, but that's not the hard part. Pain heals, time heals it. The hard part is that there's nothing I can do in the very moment to rescue myself from the misery that comes with it.
Day in, day out. Waking up to regret instead of a grateful heart. I can't help it, believe me if I could, I would. But there's nothing I can do.
With all the love I have for life, all I can do right now is hate on it for allowing me to exist.
Thank the heavens for Mercy, because some of us are not worthy to be alive, we should probably swap with those at the grave site!
At the same time I can't face death right in the face and say I'm ready, we can go now….
Where to exactly? I'm not done here on earth. Hell, I have barely began!
I'm just stuck, almost in every aspect. Freedom, the best of my heart is serving a jail term I don't know for how long…just a term.
Barely able to make a decision without feeling guilty, so bearing the responsibility is a bit of a challenge.
Questioning my next move because it's not what they want, barely considering who's the main man.
For the sake of peace. For as long as they don't come for me. Not with their judgmental thoughts or disowning my worth.
These are my cards, not for a lifetime of course. Just in the meantime. But it doesn't take forever for the heart to miss its beat and decide otherwise.
So I'm hanging on a loose thread with my life and everything I'm worth. My purpose and time on this earth. Hoping that the mercies that sustain my existence will not run out of supply, nor will I stop believing in its power in my life. Because I'm nothing without it. And everything with it. I am because of Mercy.