Before I Self Destruct Poem by Ndina Kamaro Muofhe

Let me roll it up in white
As its smoke flies to kiss the skies,
gravity just demand its ashes.

The green feeling uplifts my
soul
When my nerves had been wrecked
by evil around me,
I lean to my thoughts of
pureness
Life is nothing but a battlefield
Some say, it's a hell which they've been taught
Our thoughts be burning like
coals in it
It's a struggle to scream out the
pain
If you manage to, the
world is deafened

Flying up beyond heaven
In place of harmony
Where minds rest at peace like still waters
Days like these you'd wish they
forever remain
When you come down pain still
awaits
Even the world awaits to have
a say in your flops
Imagine swimming in lakes
of their curses,
curses, they spat to you
without wearing your shoes
In them, you sink
Sometimes, you'd never float again

So before I self destruct,
I cry for myself
My conscience knows the tears
I've shed
They run down trying to wash
away my pain
The devil knows I'm not his
friend
But sometimes it takes a fiend
to fight a fiend
So if you see me as a demon,
know I'm using it to fight the
devil
To free myself from his chains

Before I self destruct,
I swim into my deep thoughts
I drink from their wells
My actions are products of
these wells' satisfaction
This world is a dry throat
These thoughts are the fountain
of life
They are the reason I still
breathe

Light up another one,
And shoot straight back beyond the heaven
Our past is blacker than our skins

Like a demon, it haunts us
By these prayers we try to kill it,
But we've got its genes
If it dies, we die too
So, our imperfections are spot on
Even jesus admitted he is not fit
to walk in shoes of perfections

We're just trees of poisoned
roots bearing less fruits,
But our best, we try to give

Before I self destruct,
Heaven knows I tried to reason with the angels
They refused me an embrace within their golden wings
If I fall, I'll rise
If I stay crawling, know I'm
designing my wings
Only Lord knows I tried to do right

Before I self destruct,
Know it's myself I was trying to be

Not anyone but myself.